I am truly appalled that not more people are freaking out about dying in just a few days! I mean, doesn’t everyone follow the Mayan calendar? Several years ago, when I first heard of December 21 2012, I was imagining people fighting over food in supermarkets, stealing anything and everything that would make them happy for the last few days of their lives and people rushing to check off the last things on their bucket lists. The time has arrived and I have yet to see a bitch fight over Twinkies at the grocery store. I am very disappointed. This is not the total end of the world panic that I have for so long been thirsty to see!
As Ellen’s #1 fan, I was procrastinating (like always) by watching her YouTube videos. At Christmas time she has this thing called 12 Days of Giveaways where she gives away A-M-A-Z-I-N-G gifts to all of her audience members. So it was day 3 or something like that and we had a mere 13 days to live, and suddenly the idea struck me! I was dwelling on my riskless boring old life and was thinking “WE’RE GOING TO DIE! I NEED TO DO SHIT!” So I made a bucket list. A bucket list of things I want to do before I die. Everyone makes one of these at one point in their life, but I had to make one AND I HAD TO MAKE ONE NOW! So, I quickly thought of anything that I hadn’t done before but really wanted to do! I came up with the 12 things that I would most want to do before I die. And I strongly encourage all of you to do the same.
Every day I’m crossing off one thing that I have never done before. I think YOLO is in order. YOLO is for sure in order. Although I am a strong advocate of the disbandment of the acronym YOLO, at a time like this, I think YOLO can be used. I don’t even have it all planned out – I’m being completely spontaneous! So if you ask me “Hey Jesper, what are you going to do today?” Then I won’t have an answer because I’ll just go with the flow and take it as it comes. If I miss something one day then what the hay… I’ll do two the next day! No biggie.
So people… Now we’re in the last days of our lives. Look back at your life and think to yourself “If I was to die on the 21st (but you already know that we are) then what would I regret not doing?” AND THEN DO IT! This is your very last chance to do things that you’ve sort of always been on the fence about doing. For example we can all agree that eating snails sounds quite horrific, but since you know we’re going to die in a few days, you should just go for it! Think of something that you would normally just say, ”Meh, I’ll do it at one point in my life but maybe later”. Turn that ”maybe” into a ”definitely”, because if you don’t do it now then you won’t do it ever! I mean, who wants to die knowing that they haven’t tried escargot when they really wanted to, eh?
So here is all you need to do to make your apocalyptic experience as wonderful as possible (The oxymoronicality of that sentence is just revolutionary):
1. Think of a few things that you really want to do before you die. If running naked at Gustav Adolfs Torg is something you’ve always wanted to do then be my guest, but just remember to be safe and legal.
2. DO THEM! Do everything in your power to make these things happen. Going skydiving might be a bit hard to accomplish this late in the year but I’m sure that there is somewhere you would be able to do it! Find that place and make that place your next destination.
3.Don’t go overboard. I am slowly realizing that one thing a day is quite ambitious and that I probably won’t be able to do one a day. However, the point of it all is to have a spontaneous outlook on life and just go for it.
4. Remember that you’re going to die. Since we’re gonna die it doesn’t just have to be things that you do necessarily but it can be something that you say for example confess your love for that boy/girl that you’ve been staring at for the past 3 months drawing hearts in your notebook with your initials in them. Or ya know… some cheesy shit like that.
5. Don’t be afraid! I know that this might be a profound problem for all you Swedes, but just do it. Who cares if 20 random strangers see you streak in public? They’re strangers anyway! How about you do the unheard of… SIT BESIDE SOMEONE ELSE ON THE BUS! That would be insane! My sarcastic tone is just a testament to how sad it is that Swedish people are scared of each other… But that’s a whole other story. The point is to just let go of that wall and don’t be afraid to be different! “Lagom” is killing personality!
6. Watch Ellen.
Don’t live your life wishing you did something when you can change it by doing something as easy as doing it! Ok, maybe the trip to Australia you really wanted to take isn’t probable or possible but you know, do something a bit more small scale perhaps? Basically what I’m trying to say is do the things you want to do before it’s too late. You never know what’s going to happen, or… well… in this case you do. So you might as well do it! All balls to the wall!
Oh… and Merry Christmas everyone!